It's been a fair while since we last updated. Two words: Skyward Sword. But you don't want to hear about that old thing, you're here for the hot new sensational games! Like this one.
Hatoful Boyfriend, not to be confused with hateful boyfriend which isn't a game, it's real life. This game is apparently like a typical Japanese dating sim, but with perhaps one atypical element.
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| Hint: The element is you're dating pigeons. |
OH MY GOD! Now everything makes sense!
Time to chase some hot chicks and see some hooters! ...Oh, they’re boys.
So more like peckers.
So, I enter a classroom full of invisible pigeons, who one by one will appear right in front of my face when talking to me. That is the way of the dating sim. Oh no, it’s the snooty attractive dovetail pigeon. He’s going to be the hard to get one?
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| "That may be so, but you know we doves reach sexual maturity within a year of birth" Thanks, straight-up creepin guy! |
Oh and here’s the shy one. He likes books. I was really hoping for a bird with those swirly glasses.
'I know everybirdie here’ Seriously?
This seems like a play on that awkward ‘everypony’ stuff My Little Pony uses. At least we can all agree these two properties belong on the same shelf.
What do we call the target-audience for this anyway? Feathies?
Sexual aviancy?
Pidgeophile?
Lovey Dovey?
Avian fever?
Bird flu?
Shh quiet time Allie.
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| What the shit is this? |
A pigeon just told me it's not safe to walk home alone at night, and that I should have a male pigeon walk me home. (I'm a human girl)
I’m pretty sure that teacher-pigeon is after my tail-feathers. Having him walk me home doesn’t make me feel that much more safe.
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| "I'll feed you all sorts of things, If you want. Hmm.?" |
Creepy-ass doctor. He seems to have the mannerisms of a career-pervert. Seems like he's insinuating he’d like to dissect me. He just knows how to push all my buttons. I’m imprinting on him.
uhhhhhh......
WHAT THE FUCK TRYING TO WOO THE DOCTOR LEAD TO A MASS-MURDER PLOTLINE WHERE YOU EAT A FRIEND OF YOURS AND THEN THE DOC MURDERS YOU WITH A CLEAVER
Oh! What the hell? I think I just got slain by a team of ninjas for failing to develop any serious relationships with the birds.. :s Well, that is that?
...Wh. I think there’s a lesson to be learned from this.
This is a short game, so I did a quick second playthrough and got a good ending at about the same time you'd get a bad ending. I’ve played a couple flash dating sims and they are the most soul-destroying slog of clicking things until your money or stamina runs out and then doing it again. This ones tedious as hell, but its very story driven with tons of events so it’s more about reading slightly dull daily activities than grinding and purchasing a hundred million flowers. And then it just suddenly ends. Like this.
