Wednesday, 9 November 2011

That's funny, looks like just another elder scrolls game to me.

Look, I'm not here to actually wee all over the elder scrolls and make them all soggy and unreadable. I'm sure the games are good, I've been hoping to play them someday, for longer than a few hours before a game breaking bug glitches out on me, I mean. But no seriously, I love a good stuffy WRPG full of picking up mountains of items and shivving little rats on the floor. I'm sure I'll enjoy it someday for real. It's in the queue, though.

Exactly what my backloggery is like
I'm merely here to pour my cold beverage of scorn all over your keyboards of childlike optimism until your hype machine short circuits in an anticlimactic spark, followed by comforting silence.

Someone told me yesterday, that Skyrim 'looks amazing'. Like, visually. I scoffed. Even if I wasn't allergic to that nasty leather-brown high contrast medieval D&D art style, those games are notoriously ugly with awkward animations, and that sortof 'I've got a skin disease' or 'I'm clearly 92 years old and yet I have such perky double-d's they're actually misshaping my scale mail' look. But they were convinced, it seemed like the world was convinced, and I have to admit I haven't really been paying attention. Is everyone else in the world just... blind?

Raw sienna: the patron colour of D&D
Huh. I guess they are. And these are the carefully composed promo screenshots that represent the most flattering angle and compositions the game can possibly achieve.
It is a general improvement on the old stuff, and hey, it's ok to make an ugly game. Just... people are telling me it's AMAZING. With a straight face. Right after watching Uncharted 3 and Xenoblade chronicles. Furthermore, people just seem really adamant to convince me its not like the crappy old games. I thought you LIKED the old games?

men: wrinkles. women: less winkles.
And no seriously, are you blind? These character portraits look like those wobbly graphite drawings of celebrities that you'd see all the time in sixth form art portfolios, where the eyes are just a little off and the lips are stuck in an emotionless 8¬(|) face. This is the elder scrolls style, and this is what it will look like forever.

But hey, if you ever wanted to be a mummified cat...?  

PS: hehe, 'rim'.

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