Sunday, 10 February 2013

10 Outstandingly Terrible Video Game Titles

Naming your precious work of art can be difficult. It's gotta have words... and they have to... like.. make some sense... and provide some kind of clue that this is a game that humans should purchase and use on their device.. boxes... argh... too difficult.

Here are some spectacular failures in the category of video game product naming:



I am crossing my arms here and looking at the developers with a stern, disapproving look. This game isn't even out yet and it's already irritating me. During the 2000s we had a sad phase where people put 1337-speak in their sequel titles to incorporate the entry number. The Thief series wants to do the same thing, except they aren't as adept at 1337. What “Thi4f” spells is "Thiaf". Bravo, guys, you invented a new form of dysl4xia.

Lady Stalker: Challenge from the Past


So, there’s this little known game series from japan - I KNOW WHAT YOU’RE THINKING RIGHT? SOME NICHE JAPANESE GAME YEAH NO KIDDING THERE. No it’s actually some simple swords and sorcery adventure game called Landstalker. As far as I can tell it has little to do with stalking as in the crime. So they made a sequel to that, and decided to have a sassy female protagonist, so I guess ‘Lady Stalker’ seemed like a perfectly apt title. Whoops.

Awesome Possum Kicks Dr. Machino's Butt


Holy 90s all over my face, Batman. Have you ever seen that episode of The Simpsons with Poochie the Dog? Remember how hard they tried to desperately make something hip with the kids? Well, in the video game world, the result of that became Sonic the Hedgehog. You might be thinking 'Hey, Tobi, that's not the game that was in your titl-' Yes, yes. We're working towards there. Well if you take Sonic's pathetic attempts at being cool and make a Poochie out of that franchise, you get ... well Knuckles the Echidna. I know I know, be patient! We’re going to Inception this bitch even further. Now if you go even deeper in that rabbit hole you ultimately end up with Shadow the Hedgehog ok I'm sorry Awesome Possum. What does he do? I don't know? Kick Dr. Machino's Butt? Beautiful. Put it on the box.

Bravely Default - Flying Fairy

These are all words I'm familiar with, but...

First of all, can I just say: LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAME!
Anyway now that I've got that out of my system, this is surely a classic example of literal translation gone wrong. If you dissect it, the idea is that to ‘default’ can mean to not engage in a combat context... and its brave of them... to be doing that... in the game... and also theres a flying fairy... which is a thing fairies usually do... so... bravely.. default... look, I just can't help but think anything else would have sounded less wrong. Like maybe ‘Bravery Default’ or ‘Bravely Defaulting’. WHAT IS THIS GAME EVEN ABOUT?

Street Fighter: The Movie

OF COURSE! (lil' in joke for ya)

OK, Let's see some hands. Who here would read this title and think this is the title of a movie. Well if you did, you'd be WRONG. 'Street Fighter: The Movie' is actually "The Game". Not the game the movie is based on. It's the game, based on the movie based on the game. Easy mistake to make.

Infinite Undiscovery

Indeterminate Unappreciation

I’ve managed to remove my palm from my face for long enough to confirm that Wiktionary agrees that Undiscovery is NOT A WORD. And even if it WAS a word, undiscovering IS NOT A THING. And you’re suggesting this game has infinite amounts of it? FACE IT YOU JUST PICKED SOME WORDS THAT YOU THOUGHT SOUNDED DRAMATIC DIDN’T YOU!? I’m about to uningest infinite amounts of PG tips all over this keyboard.

DmC: Devil May Cry

Sure it's not 'Dirty Metrosexual Creep?

Now this one is a stroke of genius. The newest entry in the Devil May Cry series thought it could be cool enough to have the abbreviation of the franchise name be the actual name of the game. Then they noticed that this would effectively throw their branding out the window (which ended up being a persistent problem with the project, but that's another story). clearly the most logical solution was to add the full title of the main title as the subtitle.

World Soccer Winning Eleven 6 Final Evolution


In the THRILLING world of World Soccer Winning, numbers can be spelt out in letters or left in numeric form right next to eachother for some reason! But don’t worry kids, this one’s the final evolution! We promise!

Legend of Heroes: Trails in The Sky

Do ya see it yet?

TEEEEEEEEEEEHEEEEEEEEEE~ Trails in the Sky is shortened to "TitS". I can sense a localisation department giving themselves so many congratulatory back rubs that it could almost be classified as masturbating.

That aside, "Legend of Heroes" has to be the single most generic title you could possible come up with. I'm doing my best to think of something blander, but I'm starting to think it can't be done.

Touch Dic

Help I can't stop laughing.

Heeheeheehee. teeheehee cx
Oh no they didn’t
heehee cx
This game is an early software release for the Nintendo DS. It’s short for Touchscreen Dictionary of course! What did you think it sounded like? The logo is pretty giggle worthy too, a finger poking downwards, all like TOUCH IT. TOUCH THE DIC.

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