Sunday, 19 February 2012

HYTIB's top 20 'babes' of animation.

Ok, it's not really making fun of anything if you're actually just jumping on the bandwagon. It's just sad.


REGARDLESS, we watched Nostalgia Chick's top 10 list of animated hot guys, in which she pansied out of giving her own choices in favour of listening to 'the vocal majority'. And we thought: we could do that better. We could nut the fuck up and make our own list, AND instead of being able to defend our own choices, our partner will have to be the one to critique our weird and creepy confessions, and laugh and be slightly disturbed at what we learn about each other today. 

Oh, and both genders each, because bitches, that's actual equality.



5. Piccolo (Dragon Ball Z)

'....the hell am i wearing?'

A ripped, tall, angry, green alien guy? We're starting off well aren't we? Let's see what else we have here. Dude has an ice cold demeanour, pink bulging muscles, poofy pants, turban and the biggest shoulder pads in the free world. Another thing that I seemed to remember is that he's of a single-sex species that throws up eggs. I suppose there are also two of Piccolo if you're into that sort of thing, but one of them is an old man. He's also ambitious in the sense that he's tried to take over the world a few times. I'm not sure if I understand the appeal here.

4. James (Pokemon)


Ah, damn. I wish I would have thought of James. He's a true champ. Born rich, but pursues a life of poverty to escape the shackles of a privileged life, just so he can be free. He's got a wicked collection of things that I can't remember, but he most certainly has got it. James also loves roses and being all-around fabulous. He's also an experienced hole-digger and looks amazing in a bikini. Did I mention he's also in a gang? That bad boy.

3. Roronoa Zoro (One Piece)

A sword in your mouth? Why would you even...
Fuck yeah, Zorro's on this lis-oh it's someone completely different. Just going by the fact that he wields three swords makes me believe this guy looks like he's overcompensating and not very bright, but he does have great teeth. I wonder if he's natural green-haired guy. Being a pirate means his life is full of adventure and tussles with the law. I'm starting to worry about this pattern of criminals though.

2. Maes Hughes (Fullmetal Alchemist)

He can turn lead into gold, and knees into jelly.
Finally, someone who isn't a villain for once. Now Mr Hughes is a dreamboat and a bro. He's a snappy dresser, great family man, social and silly, but still knows when he has to be serious. I spite of annoying his friends and family on purpose, the guy is kind and loyal to them  all the time and supports them, even if he disagrees. He's also got a sick beard and wears a uniform.

1. Vash the Stampede (Trigun)

Yes yes, he has a big gun.

Now Vash is a weird one. He's a nice guy who likes to stay low profile, so he keeps trying to act incompetent to get out of having do this. Turns out he's actually good at what he does... "shootin' dudes". However this does bring up an issue because he doesn't believe in killing. So we end up with a pacifist gunman. The boy's rocking a Vanilla Ice haircut and is his body is covered in scars from top to bottom. I heard the wimmins dig scars and if that's even remotely true, then it doesn't surprise me he's rocking the first place here. LAB AND PEAS



5. Francine Smith (American Dad)

I like my women like I like my coffee: Batshit fucking crazy.

Ah, Francine. Your typical cartoon trophy-wife, except she turns out to have an actual character. Francine is all sorts of hilariously crazy and apparently a bit of a thrill-seeker. She considers George Clooney to be a knob too, which is a plus in my book.

4. American Maid (The Tick)

Sorry, no entiendo 'stop hitting me with your shoe'.
OK, I don't really know who this, so I'm going to have to make blind assumptions about the appeal again. So this lady appears to be a superhero. She appears to be pretty patriotic, going by the design of her outfit. I'm not really into the whole maid thing, but I won't judge Allie if she is. Oh wait, her name is also a pun. Puns are catnip for Allie.

3. Anthy Himemiya (Revolutionary Girl Utena)

Not much junk but plenty of baggage.
Oh boy. I knew this was coming. So this bug-eyed anime girl has glasses, purple hair and one of the very few dark-skinned animated protagonists that I know of. From what I understand, she has both a shy schoolgirl and an extrovert warrior princess in uniform thing going on. She also has a thing for the ladies. Is there something you'd like to tell us, Allie?

2. Janine (The Real Ghostbusters)

I wonder who she's going to call..
Now this I get. Janine Melnitz is a nasal, snarky and sassy redhead secretary that understands the art of late-night snacking. While it often seems like she only gives just enough shits to keep her job, she does seem to have her heart in the right place. It’s been alluded a few times that bustin’ would make her feel good too, but I haven’t seen enough of the show that she actually got a shot at it. She loves to rock lots of tacky, kitschy things,  mini-skirts and pointy old-lady glasses. Rawr.

1. Carmen Sandiego (Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego)

Where in the world is my innocence?

It's been another while since we had another villain in here. Carmen isn't so much a professional as she is an educational troll. This stylish badass likes to pull off astonishing heists and outwit the brightest minds on the planet. Carmen is mysterious, not just because she knows how to fly under the radar, but also because she dresses like Darkwing Duck. But yeah, I totally get it. She's an ambitious badgirl girl long wavy hair. I also made it through this entire paragraph without even referencing Where Is Waldo once!



5. Kronk Pepikrankenitz (Emperor’s New Groove)

Human sacrifice? What about just some samosas this time? Guys?
Aww, isn’t he just a cutie pie!? Good choice actually. This kinda ex-henchman typical airheaded brute is a super genius chef, and talks to squirrels or something? He’s underappreciated  for his talents and always eager to please, he’d probably be a dreamy boyfriend, if a little subservient? He’s not so competent in the business of evil schemes but he’s got his shit together in the kitchen.

4. Casey Jones (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)

A typical Canadian.

Gotta be honest, man, it’s been a while since I saw the turtles cartoon. I don’t really remember this guy to well, but I believe he’s a sortof ghetto vigilante out to help the turtles? He’s got a mid 90s ripped jeans and tank top thing going on, and carrying around a bunch of sports equipment like he’s playing legend of zelda in the schoolyard. Not sure what I make of that. Part of me wonders if he’s a really swell guy, or if Tobi is just a total 90s kid sports nerd.

3. Launchpad McQuack (Ducktales)

But... ducks can already fly...

HAHAHAHA Launchpad :’) He is a duck! He’s like got an Indiana Jones thing going on, only derpier. And he can’t land a plane.

2. Dean McCoppin (Iron Giant)

Sorry, 'bro', I work with derwent, not faber-castell.
A nice character with a lot of personality from a really decent film. However, there is a reason that I call him ‘Douchey McSoulpatch.’ Dude is an ‘artiste’. He’s so... well... you know, right? Right? LOOK AT HIS TINY BEARD. 

1. Maes Hughes (Fullmetal Alchemist)


Fact that this guy made it on both our lists is sayin’ something. He’s the perfect man except for the being dead thing. He’s crazy for his wife and daughter, he winds all his coworkers up in such a cute way, but he has to pay the price for having the most integrity and bravery of them all. I’d love to be his wife except for the bit where he dies and that’s really really sad. Also he’s pretty in the face.



5. Nani Pelekai (Lilo & Stitch)

Dat nose. You want to beep it.
The forgotten Disney babe, Nani has got it going on. She’s fun-loving and curvaceous and runs around in a bikini a lot (man, it’s Hawaii though). She’s hard working and sensitive, but she’s also pretty immature and short-tempered, but then her little sister and stitch are pretty terrible. I guess I like that she’s kinda ‘real’. She’s not some sweet voiced princess and she’ll never get to be.

4. Elizabeth Hoover (The Simpsons)

There are no Google images of her not looking disapproving

lolwut? Heh... ok.. wow uh... yeah. Lisa’s schoolteacher. I guess this is no worse than my Francene choice though. Miss Hoover is cynical and irate... but I guess she has that geek chick thing going on? She’s like less creepy than Edna Krabappel, and less tedious than Maude Flanders.

3. Toronga Leela (Futurama)

Next to ducks and aliens, mutants seem...meh.

I’m kinda glad in a weird way that Tobi seems to be into cranky bitches. Makes me feel a little better. Leela is a kinda cheesy ‘butt-kicking’ babe. She’s kindof a sucker when it comes to men though, and she’s pretty violent and short tempered. She switches between being the only rational one and being the maniacal vengeful psychopath.

2. April O’Neil (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)

Also she shares my passion for pockets. :')
April is always on dude’s lists. I think it might be the yellow jumpsuit. There’s something about women in onesies... Also nobody believes me when I point out that she’s got massive jugs, but she TOTALLY does. April is always trying to help the turtles, but I believe she always just gets captured. It’s not usually due to her own incompetence though, I mean she is up against a bunch of ninjas and a giant mutant warthog and rhino. And that dude who is like a brain in a human suit. Anyway, she’s pretty sassy I guess. Punches above her weight and courage is pretty sexy.

1. Velma Dinkley (Scooby Doo)

Oh Jinkies, Tobi. *giggle*

Heehee x) So cute! Any guy who votes for velma is a big fat vote for nerd girls. Velma has low self esteem written all over her with the big bulky jumper and 70s folk singer haircut. But she’s the one who carries the team every time! She uses her technical knowledge and critical eye to figure out the mysteries while everyone else just derps around eating sandwiches and being pretty. She should have been the star of the show, but instead she’s just backup for the worlds wimpiest great dane and his pet tramp. At least we all know better.

So now we know more than we ever needed to: Allie is a japanophile, Tobi is a furry but only for ducks, and frankly, badboys are nearly impossible to avoid because apparently the rule of cartoons is male characters are either vapid princes, evil, or children. Also geek chicks rule, no bias here...
But you know what else we learned? We ain't chicken.

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