Monday, 13 February 2012

Bad Movie Bingo

OK so there's this game Tobi and I like to play when we're watching a movie that we really don't have high expectations for. It's pretty simple. Without knowing more about a film than the trailer, we make predictions of horrible cliches that we expect the film to fulfil. Then we fill a bingo card and see how well we do.

It's a great game for if you're frequently forced by peers or loved ones to watch films you're not expecting to enjoy, or if you're just a movie masochist like us. Oh, and

*~SPOILER ALERT!~*




Well, an entire CGI film based entirely around a rather weak pun. I'm sure you're all wondering why on earth we expected this to suck balls and be full of dumb jokes? A lot of our proposals were slightly tipped off by the nature of the trailer, but nothing guaranteed of course. Still, it managed 4 lines.

Gnomeo and Juliette is an insulting retelling of a classic tale based around a single pun. If it wasn't for the fact that we were playing this bingo game, I would have bailed after 20 minutes. The movie has zero redeeming qualities and isn't even fun to mock. You know your project is poisonous when people don't even want to give your trailer a chance.

Score: 4x bingo


Oh my god this movie is as BORING as it is sexist. So this kid is a little shit that doesn't appreciate his mum and then his mum gets kidnapped by aliens. This alien planet is completely ran by authoritarian women and the men are banished into the garbage landfill. The blokes don't mind this because they are stupid uneducated hicks anyway. Then blah blah bullshit happens and we learn the valuable lesson that mums are people too.

I would rate this as the worst film on on BMB so far, and that's saying something. It's got the uncanny valley aspect of polar express, the tedium of polar express, the lack of imagination of polar express, and you get the idea. But where the polar express was sickeningly christmassy, this was just... kinda sickening. Also, guys, don't mocap adults for children models. I could actually tell it was Seth Green, and that was weird.

Score: 2x bingo


Where it says 'suspicious lion king similarities' that should be underlined in red marker. It was like watching a furry fanfiction written, directed and animated by everyone from the lion king fanart community, which yes, is a thing. This film about wolves trying to get their 'howl' on with each other was straight-up creepy.

I'd say you have already seen this movie without seeing it, but that would be a lie. There are few movies that are as formulaic as this one, but the execution here is just dreadful. One of the ugliest movies we have seen in our entire lives and I can't stress enough how awkward that whole 'howling' thing was.

Score: 2x bingo


Sweet! Our bingo sheet has a Zorro sign. Topical! This movie is pretty much a parody movie of a spaghetti western, but with lots of cats being hispanic stereotypes. Surprisingly enough it wasn't shit. Another shocker was the lack of 'cat' puns! Lots of 'egg' ones though.

Ok so this one was better than I expected. I kinda really dug humpty dumpty's animation, it really cracked me up (haaa) and out of all of these terrible movies, this one is probably the only one worth seeing. I'm not saying the story was particularly good and the gags are hit and miss, but... eh.. I liked it. I know a lot of people don't like shrek films though, so WHATEVER. Go ahead and watch mars needs moms then. I dare ya.


Allie, please. You don't want that on your conscience.

Score: 3x bingo

1 comment:

  1. Brilliant!! particularly whoever came up with penis/gnome hat joke.

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